Betrayed Feelings
by arelia22
Summary: After months of being a normal human, Ichigo noticed how different everyone acted around him. Seeing how everyone treated him like glass, he decided to leave Karakura Town and left for the city never to be seen again. But 10 years later his job required him to return.
1. Rediscovering feelings

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, I only screw around with the original story for educational (making fanfic) purposes.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

'Before I defeated Aizen I thought that being normal was what I always wanted… after losing all that I noticed how wrong I was… I hated how everyone acted around me, they treated me like glass. They would be careful not to mention a word about that other world, they would change their conversations when I was nearby, even my sisters that were now more aware of the spiritual world would talk about those stuff… but never in my presence… I was alone…. Being a useless normal everyday human and trying to make me unaware of that world was making it worse than if they talked about it at my face…. I couldn't take it…. So, I did the only thing I could think of, two years after that war, after I graduated high school, I left my _home _that felt less warm than ever before, and went away leaving only a note behind… I never regretted my decision even 10 years later, because the thing that made me break wasn't the talk about hollows or shinigami that I occasionally overheard, no, what broke me was the cold shoulder I would get, I felt betrayed, so I never regretted it.'

#1#

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

The annoying beeping sound was heard throughout the room. A man in his late 20's, 28 to be exact was having trouble waking up even with the sound of the beeping alarm clock.

"Okay okay, I'm up now."

Turning the alarm clock off and standing up to stretch and make a big yawn. The man had pitch black hair that passed his neck slightly, messy bangs covering up most of brownish amber eyes, he was tall 1.81 cm but had a slim and muscular build.

The man walked to the bathroom and took a quick bath before going downstairs and grab some toast and coffee in the kitchen for a light breakfast, after all he had to review the last chapter of his latest novel before his annoying editor came by to demand it to be finished even though the deadline was still two weeks away.

Grabbing his laptop he sat on a black leather couch in the living room, toast in mouth and coffee on low glass table, black framed glasses in place and ready to read. Eyeing the screen and taking a sip of coffee every once in a while he was almost finished when there was a sudden knock at his door. Knowing only one person would ever come up to his door before being stopped by security, he went to open the door before she decided to kick the door down.

"Open the door! I know you're in there!"

Louder knocking was heard until he opened the door. At his door was a women in her late 30's, brown hair tied in a tail at her left side, eyes and white milky skin. She wore a business suit and low black heals that helped her with the petite height she had.

"What took you so long?"

"It's a long trip from the living room to the door."

"Hum, you always make excuses. Well I'm tired of your god damn excuses Ichigo."

Not even waiting to see if he would let her in, she walked past him and into the living room, sitting on the couch cross legged and taking a bite of the toast on the table like if it were her own home.

"Is the story done Ichi-chan?"

Ichigo that had been left behind in the entrance came in with a glass of water and placed it in front of the woman, taking a seat right in front of her but not even taking a second glance at her direction as he concentrated back on his laptop.

"I'm giving it a last minute review."

A temporary silence graced the room as the editor just kept looking at the black headed man and the man just kept on reading the chapter.

"Okay, it's finished."

Giving a nod at the statement she grabbed the archive and put it in her bag.

"Now, the other reason I came here personally."

"Isn't it to just bug me?"

Being offended by the mans comment she slammed her hands on the glass table to show her wrath.

"Bug you!? I wouldn't have to come here all the time if there weren't the possibility you could just die and no one finds out! You have no friends you live alone in this big ass pent house at the top of the building, you have no communication what's so ever with anyone and you NEVER go out unless it's to go jogging!"

"If you break the table you're paying it."

"What? You're the one with the money. And that's not the point."

Letting out a big sigh and calming down, crossing her arms at her chest and closing her eyes.

".. Don't you get that we worry about you? Everyone at the editorial do, heck even the boss does."

"I can take care of myself, I'm not a teenager anymore."

"We know you're not but… how do you want us to not worry when you're like this?"

Raising an eyebrow at the comment but not really incurring as to what she meant, he could only stare back at her and hope she understood.

"I mean look at yourself, since I became your editor I think I can read people easier since you're so blank and rarely have an expression, then there's the fact you never go out and haven't contacted your family since you left."

Looking down not wanting to retort all Ichigo could do is respond but not look her in the eye.

"I have no need to."

Hard green eyes softened at seeing her writer with such a solemn expression, she wish she could do something for the former orange head, after all she was the one that discovered his talent and helped him get to where he is now where he can't even go out his door and find someone wanting an autograph.

"Like I said in the beginning Ichigo no more excuses. The boss won't take a no for an answer anymore nor will he ask you for permission. You're going on a forced vacation."

Not saying anything, Ichigo just kept looking down in defeat, he knew this would happen sooner or later, it's not like he didn't want to go out, it's just that he felt safer in his apartment. Since he left home and dyed his hair black he has never once tried to contact his family.

"We're sending you to a smaller town away from the city, maybe that way you'll get some fresh air, change of scenery. We already rented you a house over there for a month and you'll have to do you're shopping yourself, no hiring someone so you can stay indoors all day long."

"Alright. And where are my FORCED vacations?"

Smiling at seeing the resigned expression on the former orange head she took out a pen and paper from her bag with a set of keys to go with it, she scribbled down an address and handed it over to the man.

"It's a town named Karakura Town."

Ichigo looked up to see if his editor wasn't joking around with him. Sure no one knew where he used to live, but who knew, this could all be some bad joke right?

"Wh-What?"

Blinking in confusion, she couldn't miss the slight surprise in Ichigo's eyes, eyes that held such loneliness one would believe he lost everything once.

"Have you been there?"

"I-I used to… it's my hometown."

"Oh…"

The room was in silence, she didn't expect the town to be one he knew, less of all were he used to live, after all Ichigo always kept his past a secret. They only knew he left his hometown once he graduated from high school because he couldn't bear being in that town anymore, and that's all, no details no why's no nothing, the best the company got from him was: I left in bad terms with my family and friends. So they knew they weren't dead or anything cruel like that. But the depressed look was all they needed to not push the boy for answers. Now he wasn't a boy, he was a man and he needed to face his problems sooner or later.

"Mizuki…"

"Yes? I didn't hear that last part sorry."

"I said when do I leave?"

Mizuki couldn't help but smile seeing that he wasn't acting like a kid behind their mother's skirt. At least he was trying to face his problems.

"Tomorrow, the place is furnaced already just take clothing and anything else you need."

Nodding in understanding Ichigo stood up from the couch and stretched his sore muscles hearing a pop here and there where bones cracked back in place.

"You shouldn't stay seated all day. Do some exercise in between."

"Nah, it's better do it all in one go."

Sighing in defeat Mizuki stood up from the coach as well and went towards the door.

"Well I have to go. Take care Ichi-chan."

"… You're only a decade older, you can't call me Ichi-chan."

Pouting at the lack of expression coming from her writer, she could only slump her shoulders in defeat once more.

"The day I get an expression from you that isn't a scowl or Blank is the day I'll celebrate till dawn."

"Well good luck with that."

Taking route once more to the door, she opened it and stood right outside to give her final goodbyes to the man.

"Have fun Ichi-chan!"

Ichigo slammed the door shut and turned around to pack and into his house with a uninterested expression.

"I will without you."

"**Ah, don't be so mean, it was funnier when you actually got flustered by all kind of comments."**

"Like I care what you think"

"**See what I mean?"**

"You know… I hate how sometimes your hollow side comes out more than your zanpaktou one."

"**Like I care what you think."**

"Touche."

Ichigo was actually pretty happy now, talking to Tensa, he remembered the first time he heard him it was 4 years ago. For a second there he thought it was a dream, after all he did lose his shinigami powers after defeating Aizen and for them to return 8 years later was actually satisfactory.

'It's been 12 years since the war… 10 years since I left home right after I finished High school. And even now I feel betrayed. Was I thrown to the side because I was useless? Will they try to use me for their battles if they know my powers came back?'

All those thoughts passed his mind more than once, and now he was actually glad he had gone to a new plain of existence after his dangai training and no one could feel his reiatsu.

"It's not raining is it...?"

"**No it's not…" 'But I there is no sun anymore either.'**

Sighing and feeling down Zangetsu couldn't help but think that his welder was in a bad state even if it didn't rain anymore. After all he rarely even scowled anymore let alone smile. Even if Ichigo didn't want to, he just hoped someone recognized him, it would do him some good.

#1#

The next day Ichigo woke up before his alarm because he needed to leave early to not arrive late in Karakura town. He started loading his car with boxes full of books, notes, storyboards, erasers and cases with clothing and other stuff he would need.

When he finished loading the car, he left the garage and went to take a shower before leaving. Once he showered he changed into black jeans, dark blue long sleeved button shirt hanging loosely instead of being tucked in and black shoes.

Once he was done he took a last glance at his house, locked the doors, made sure to close all windows and made his way to the garage and drove away, leaving the city behind and taking the road.

After a long drive he started to see a familiar sight, buildings that started to make him feel nostalgic, streets that made him think of so many memories. He looked into his pocket to find the address Mizuki had given him only to pale at seeing he knew right away where that was. Around the corner from the clinic.

"Just my luck."

Taking the familiar route to his new house he drove into his driveway and into the garage.

"Great, now time to unpack."

The house wasn't as big as his house back in the city, but he liked it more than the old one. It had four bedrooms, one the master bedroom and the others simple with just what necessary for a normal bedroom, three bathrooms, one connected to the master bedroom with a big tub and the other two scattered throughout the house, his living room was more homey, his kitchen the same size as the one he had in the clinic, and the most important part, a big studio with shelves of different books.

"This is better than I thought, though there are too many bedrooms, it's just me, why would I need another three?"

Seeing as he hadn't eaten dinner he went to the kitchen to try and find something to eat. Entering the kitchen he opened the fridge to find nothing, the drawers and nothing, as well as every single place in the kitchen, empty.

"They couldn't have filled in my kitchen… oh well, let's go shopping."

Grabbing his keys and heading towards the door to go shopping. He had gone to the market where he used to go when he lived there and was surprised to find someone he knew so soon. Inoue and Ishida were shopping, though what really surprised him was the baby bump that Inoue had.

'Wow! Never expected that one. Good thing I dyed my hair black or I would have been caught right away.'

"**Maybe you should greet them."**

'I don't think so, I'm okay how I am now. I'll be leaving in a month anyway.'

"Ne Uryuu-kun, maybe I can cook tonight and make you something special."

Ichigo looked back to see a smiling but nervous Ishida trying to get out of letting her cook.

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

'So she still cooks weird.'

Ichigo couldn't help but smile hearing his friends so happy and that they had gone on with their life to.

Someone inside Ichigo's inner world was smirking at the success he suspected, he was happy that Ichigo had smiled even if barely noticeable.

Ichigo, not really noticing where he was going bumped into Inoue that almost fell on her bottom if it weren't thanks to Ishida that caught her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm such an air head, I wasn't looking where I was going."

"No, it was my fault. I'm sorry."

Turning around in a hurry before he was discovered he went to pay and leave, or he tried.

"Kurosaki?"

Eyes widen in shock, but not trying to look back at the Quincy that had a hold of his arm that he suspected, had a calculative face.

"Don't be silly Uryuu-kun, Kurosaki-kun doesn't have black hair."

Narrowing eyes at the unresponsive black haired man he had at his grasp, Ishida couldn't shake the feeling that this man was their long lost friend and the fact he had yet to respond in any way made his suspicions increase.

Ichigo couldn't breathe without feeling he would choke, he felt terror by the possibilities that passed by his head.

'I can't let him know it's me. He'll tell the others, they'll notice I got my powers back, they'll think I'm useful again, they'll…'

"It is you, isn't it?"

Looking back to see Ishida again he couldn't help but feel his breathe stuck in his throat, and before he could process anything he shacked off of his friend and ran away, hearing the pleas from Inoue and Ishida to stop.

He didn't know what to think, why did he run, why did he feel such terror at being discovered, he wasn't afraid of them, so why, why did he feel so betrayed, lonely and hurt?

Why…?

#1#

To be continued…

Well what do you think? This story was something that came to my mind that I wanted to write for a while, I was going till I finished writing my other story THE ENDING THAT NEVER CAME but I just couldn't get the idea out of my head so I just decided to write it.

Hop you like it and thanks in advance to those that have favorite, followed or reviewed.


	2. A chance

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, I only screw around with the original story for educational (making fanfic) purposes.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#2#

Ichigo couldn't process well his thoughts, he didn't know what to think, the thought of being discovered made him feel absolute terror, and the worst of all even he didn't know why he felt like that all of a sudden.

He hadn't stopped running since he left the market and his luck was getting worse when it started to rain and soak him wet, but even so he didn't stop to get shelter, he didn't think about his mother that was always in his mind when it rained, he could only think of getting home and shutting himself in his room.

When he arrived home, he took the keys and with many tries since his hands were trembling from the cold and fear, he entered his house, locked the door, not even bothering to change and went directly to bed, covering himself under the sheets of his bed.

"Why…? I just don't get it."

"**Get what?"**

"I never thought I would react the way I did, but now… I just can't stop feeling hurt."

"**Did you ever think of it this way? You were being isolated because they thought mention of that world would just hurt you, and that same isolation is what broke you in the end. You come back and the first thing that happens is you get attention from those that caused your pain... what would be your minds first reaction be?"**

Seeing as how Zangetsu seemed to be in one of his wise moments, he couldn't retort in any way because the way he put it was so right it almost pained him. He felt tired, the wetness of the rain and the hunger he had felt were soon forgotten as he went to sleep under the covers.

#2#

Ishida and Inoue's first thoughts when Ichigo left running was that he really was Kurosaki Ichigo. They soon enough decided to inform everyone about their new discovery because they would not let this chance slip. After 10 years of not being able to find word of Ichigo, even this little occurrence was enough for everyone to leave what they were doing and reunite in the usual place, everyone's favorite candy shop, Urahara Shoten.

The people that came together despite the weather outside were: Chad, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Karin, Yuzu, Isshin, Urahara, Yoruichi, Tessai, Ishida and Inoue. All were settled down and seated around the circular table, they all had tea and but no one even touched it, they were all waiting to hear what Ishida had to tell them, what news he had discovered of Ichigo.

"Well?! Don't just stay silent. What did you find out?"

Taking a deep breath and releasing a sigh, Ishida pushed his glasses up into position and looked back at the raven head that had decided to speak up. Tatsuki.

"Orihime and I, we… saw him in the market a little while ago."

Everyone was shocked, they didn't expect him to be here, and they all thought Ishida had finally gathered some information from his contacts as a doctor all around Japan.

"Really? It's not someone else…. It really is oni-chan?"

Everyone seemed to look at the small shy girl that Yuzu used to be, now she was older and rarely if ever cried, since the day Ichigo left they all realized the mistake they made, all still had fresh in their mind the letter the orange head had left them the day after graduating from high school.

_One may think glass will shatter if you hit it with something with enough force, but, glass can also break if you let it alone to rot with time._

_You all thought it was best to leave me out of everything as to not make me depressed, to not make me miserable. You all thought all this time I was mourning the loss of my powers when that was never true. Because I knew you would all be there for me I decided to look towards the future. But I lost more than my powers that day, I lost the friends I knew were waiting for me, because all this time I was mourning the loose of greet friends that would trust me and I would trust them. In the end, your very precautions made me break._

_Good bye, I'll be fine so don't look for me because I don't think I would be able to take it._

That was the letter Ichigo had left in his room the day after graduation, he left his room completely intact barely took clothing and took his documents and left. That day was the day they noticed their biggest mistake, and the worst of it all was they had needed Ichigo to point it out or else they would have never noticed.

"It really was him, I just know it… he had black hair though, but even without his reiatsu; someone wouldn't have been so shocked and panicked at the idea of being mistaken for someone else."

"So you spoke up to him?"

Everyone looked to see the dad of the one they were talking about, he looked older, significantly older after Ichigo left, everyone could tell that if someone took it hard it had been Isshin, he had kept on saying it was his fault and what a horrible dad he had been, never being able to explain to Ichigo why he was a captain, never showing his affection like the girls. He felt like a failure.

"I did, he bumped into Orihime and apologized, once he saw us went rushing away to pay but I grabbed him by the arm and called him. He just… froze, and then he looked back to see me… his eyes were wide and they held nothing but terror. Before I could even react he shacked me off and left off running."

"He's still hurting after all this time… I wonder if he'll ever be able to forgive us."

Once Inoue had spoken up no one dared continue, because it was true, they had caused his pain and he was still paying the price, they felt they could never ask for his forgiveness, but they could at least try to set things right.

"We are going to find Ichi-ni, we have to, it's the least we could do for him."

"That's right Kurosaki-san, we made the mistake now we pay it… though we're going to have to inform Soul society."

Everyone looked to see the candy shop owner, they had to fix their biggest mistake.

"Are they still looking for him?"

"Haven't we all? They still are… not the same as 10 years ago when they deployed 25 shinigami, but there is always at least 2 people coming to look every now and then."

"Let me guess who those 2 are… Kuchiki-san and Abarai-san."

"That's right Asano-san they are still searching for him, because the guilt won't let them work to their best potential. Obviously they would get permission to search since even the captain commander feels the burden of never showing their gratitude appropriately… Even if they always had a shinigami protecting him, he never knew because he couldn't see them."

They had to find him that was what everyone thought, it was necessary they needed to do this because they would never be able to live well without apologizing properly, and most of all seeing he is actually well.

#2#

Two days had passed since the group got together in the Shoten, everyone would go out and patrol the city in their free times, Renji and Rukia came to the living world once word was sent, they were given a temporary leave to find him and would spend all their day searching. But even with 14 people, they were never going to find him if Ichigo spent his time locked up in his house.

He was currently waking up from the second nap he had taken this day, he had been sleeping most of the two days since he saw Ishida and Inoue in the market, only getting up to go to the bathroom and drink water.

"**Ichigo, maybe you should eat something."**

"I'm not… hungry."

Ichigo's voice was hoarse, he felt thorns in his throat and the pain he thought at first was thanks to seeing his friends again was now so real he started to think it was something else.

"**You have to eat something, you'll die if you continue like this."**

"That… wouldn't be such a…. bad idea."

"**ICHIGO!"**

"Okay okay… I'm getting up."

Ichigo got up from his bed and went with much difficulty to the kitchen, when he passed by the living room he saw that there was a voice mail on his phone and checked it.

"_Hey Ichi-chan! If you're not answering I can just hope you're outside like we told you to and not dying on the floor. But anyway, I'm going to send someone to do the cleaning every once in a while, don't worry she has key. Bye and have fun."_

"Stupid Mizuki, I can… do cleaning myself."

Stumbling on his feet but making way to the kitchen he went to try and open a cabinet when he started to feel dizzy.

"Ow… my head."

And before he could try to sit down to let the dizziness subside he fell with a loud thud to the floor.

"Damn Mizuki…"

Feeling more pain than before and not being able to move from the numbness he passed out into a deep sleep.

#2#

Haruka was a middle aged lady that was going to do her job, she worked for a cleaners company and was going to clean a house by order of her boss's good friend Mizuki, and since the owner of the house was said to live alone in a big house, of course they would need some cleaning service.

She arrived at the big house and took out her key from the purse when no one answered the door bell, she entered the house to find it quiet and relatively clean with a few exceptions of the bedroom and bathroom. She was checking all the rooms to see how much work she had when she entered the kitchen to find a man with black hair passed out on the floor. He was pale and had a red flushed cheeks showing he wasn't in a good state what's so ever.

Panicking she did the first thing she thought of was run out of the house to the clinic around the corner she knew was there. When she entered the clinic she found a man in his 50's that seemed very tired and had black hair.

"Yes what can I help you with?"

"The owner of a house I was going to clean was collapsed on the floor! He he looks bad and…"

Entering doctor mode and pushing the tiredness aside he stood up and went to grasp the ladies shoulder to calm her down.

"Where's the house?"

"It's it's right around the corner."

Seemingly frogeting the startled women in the clinic, Isshin grabbed his doctor's case and went running to the house that was pretty close by, only 2 houses away, just around the corner. Seeing the door wide open he knew that was the house and entered it without a second thought, looking around the women entered and told him he was in the kitchen, but when he entered the kitchen his heart dropped low.

There on the floor was his son with black hair just like Ishida had said 2 days ago, he was pale, flushed, and looked skinnier than before.

"Ichigo!"

Haruka was surprised to find that the doctor knew the man, after all he had just moved in but the face the doctor made was that of horror at seeing the raven head on the floor.

"Do you know him?"

"He's my son. I'll be taking him to the clinic, he'll be okay, thank you for finding him, you don't know how much this means to us after 10 years that we haven't even heard of him."

She felt relief and happiness at hearing the doctor, she was pretty startled at first, but now knowing the doctor was his father she could work in peace knowing he would be in good hands.

Isshin kneeled next to Ichigo and gently picked him up in his arms, taking him bridal style and feeling dread when he wasn't as heavy as a healthy man his age should weigh. He carried him and asked Haruka to lock the door when she finished her job, Isshin took a spare set of keys that were on the counter so when Ichigo returned he would be able to enter, and he left in a hurry to the small trip to the clinic.

Once he arrived he was relieved that Yuzu had her shift at the hospital and Karin was out training for the soccer match that was coming along, he wouldn't want the girls to see their brother in the state he was and would never want them to feel more panicked than he was right now.

He connected Ichigo to a heart monitor and inserted a needle for the serum and inserted medicine through it for his fever and pains hoping he would wake up soon, once his fever started to die down.

#2#

The first thing Ichigo felt when he started to wake up was pain, pain that was soon subsided and turned to soreness and a very dry throat. He moaned in pain when his eyes felt the light of the room, he wanted to sit up but felt someone pick him up slightly and press a cup of what he noticed was water at his lips. With much difficulty but delight he drank some sips of the water that felt precious to his throat. Being laid down again he tried to open his eyes to see who was helping him, he knew he lived alone, he remembered trying to go to the kitchen, so why did he hear a beeping and smell like a hospital.

Once he opened his eyes and saw where he was and who was attending him he wanted to run, he felt the need to run away once again but couldn't find the strength to move, much less run. So the best he could do was stare wide eyed at his dad, the man that looked way older than what he should look like, the man that seemed to be extremely tired but even so have worry in his eyes.

"How do you feel?"

…

He didn't know what to say, should he brush him off, should act like nothing happened, should he answer him truthfully or curse this very situation he was stuck in.

"Ichigo… please, I'm begging you, talk to me."

The plea and the desperate voice coming from the man he knew would never act like that made him gain the courage to speak once again, he still felt uncomfortable, but the best he could do is treat him as the doctor he is.

"I feel better."

Isshin felt relived Ichigo had spoken up even if he had a face of indifference. That was still better than nothing, seeing that made him feel there could be hope.

"I feel much better, so I'll be leaving. Thank you for your services, if you would tell me the cost than I will be on my way."

That shattered Isshin's hope in one strike, he wanted to leave when he had practically collapsed in his house and would have died from the fever he had. He wanted to pay his own dad and leave like a stranger.

"Wh-What are you talking about Ichigo, pay your old man? Leave? You would have died if the lady that was cleaning your house hadn't found you."

Ichigo closed his eyes for a second and shifted into a sitting position, he opened his eyes once more but this time held no emotion what so ever, he had fierce determination and narrowed his eyes when he looked at Isshin with harsh eyes.

"I will be leaving weather you want me to or not so I recommend you tell me the cost so I can leave. I have work to do and matters to attend."

Isshin couldn't believe how cold Ichigo was acting, he held no kindness no hesitation what so ever and that broke his heart, what he didn't know was that in the inside Ichigo was breaking down, breaking by the saddened face his dad held, breaking because he couldn't stand to see his dad so tired and worried, breaking down thanks to his own actions that made him want to stop and apologize. But most of all he just wanted to leave, he wanted to leave and if being harsh was the only way than he would do so.

"We-we've been… looking for you… all this time… and even now since Ishida told us… we've been looking all over for you…"

"I told you not to look for me."

Not being able to take it anymore Ichigo stood up and yanked the needle from his veins, disconnected the heart monitor and grabbed his keys. He looked directly in the yes at his dad, but couldn't bear to see the sadness he had and looked down, black bangs covering eyes that had started to form tears, he didn't want to be here, he wanted to leave, he wanted to remember everyone as the best people in the world, as those that stood besides him in the good times and th bad ones. He just wanted to forget those 2 years he had to bear in loneliness and only remember the good things, at least that way, it wouldn't pain him to see them again, he wouldn't hold fear and hurt in his heart.

"Thank you."

He grabbed from his pocket money and put it on the counter, he was about to leave when his dad grabbed his shoulder.

"Please… let me call everyone… let's talk this…"

"I have stuff to do."

"You can come when you're not busy."

"I don't like to go out."

"Then we'll go to your house. I already know where you live, I carried you here."

Silence. Isshin still had Ichigo in his grasp but Isshin never once did he take his gaze off Ichigo's back, he wouldn't turn around because he knew he couldn't take it, he wasn't prepared for this and it made it worse.

"…How many?"

Isshin was confused, how many? What was that supposed to mean?

"How many what?"

"How many of you will come…?"

Isshin widened in eyes, he felt so happy, they were getting a chance, he wanted to jump in happiness and hug his son. But he had to suppress the urge to do so or he would lose his chance.

"You're giving us a chance? Oh you don't know how much this means to me."

"If I don't you'll keep on pestering me anyways. So? How many?"

"… 13… why?"

"Tomorrow, I'll make dinner, but just this once."

"Ichigo you don't have to make dinner. You live alone, save your money."

"You'll lose your chance… tomorrow at dinner."

And before Isshin could retort he left through the door and went his wasy back home. Isshin was left speechless, he had just gained a chance and he would not lose it, they would all fix this mistake and fix it even if he wouldn't forgive them, he could at least try.

Isshin decided to start and call everyone to inform them of the chance they had gained and to forget anything they had planned and do what was needed to be done. He was going to go get the phone when he remembered Ichigo had left money on the counter and thought he would give it back tomorrow but what he saw made his eyes widen.

He had left [insert money] yen, what was the boy thinking leaving that much like if it were nothing, he should know the prices of the clinic from 10 years ago he should have known he paid him 20 times what was necessary.

Brushing the topic off he went to do what was more important, inform everyone.

#2#

Ichigo didn't know what came over him, he had decided NOT to see them because it would pain him too much and all of a sudden he invites them to dinner like if they were all good pals. He was happy to get away from the clinic without being spotted by Yuzu and Karin because he wouldn't be able to take it.

With Ishida and his dad he was very surprised and as thus couldn't suppress the urge to run away, he hoped tomorrow wouldn't be as painful and most of all that he would be able to get them to leave him alone once they saw he was fine and didn't need their attention anymore, because now he felt better like that, when he needed them they all tried to push him away as to not pain him, and now they are trying to pull him back in and is just causing him the pain they wanted to avoid.

#2#

The next day the gang got together in the Kurosaki clinic to go together towards Ichigo's house, all were happy that they had gained an opportunity but the emotions the held for Ichigo were quite different. There were those that wanted to kick him and yell at him for being so stupid and not telling them how he felt before leaving, other just wanted to apologize until the world ended for their stupidity and so on. Those that were present were Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, Ishida, Inoue, Chad, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Yoruichi, Urahara, Rukia and Renji. They all left the clinic in relatively silence until Isshin stopped in front of Ichigo's house around the corner.

"You sure it's this house goat-face? Because if you ask me it doesn't look like a house for a person that lives alone."

Everyone noticed that what Karin had said was more than true, why would a single man want such a big house, it was even bigger than the Kurosaki house not including the clinic of course.

"I'm sure of it, there is no doubt about it. Though it is a big house."

Everyone had to agree, but no one complained because after all, only Isshin knew were the house was. The big group went to the door and rang the bell, waiting for someone to open up. When they heard the door being opened they were surprised to see the Ichigo they remembered with pitch black hair, longer than what he used to have, a green apron and black framed glasses on. He opened the door but didn't say anything as he widened in eyes and left running to the kitchen were you could smell food coming from, since the door was left open they let themselves in and shut the door behind them. They were all in awe at the house, it was pretty well furnaced, most of the things in the house looked expensive and it seemed even bigger in the inside. They all followed the delicious smell in the air to the kitchen where they found something they never expected to see. Ichigo was cooking like a pro, he was reading from a little notebook and going over the food to see if everything was in place.

"The food is ready, you might as well sit down on the table."

"I'll… help you."

Yuzu went to the kitchen to help Ichigo bring the last dishes to the long glass table, the whole time Ichigo was silent while the rest where whispering a comment or two about how big and expensive the house seemed to be.

Once the plates were served everyone stared at the food Ichigo had prepared before he started eating. They all thought how good everything smelled and looked, they were all surprised until Isshin voiced everyone's thoughts.

"I didn't know you could cook."

"Staying indoors all the time makes you learn things that you can only do in your house. Eat, I don't know you guys but I'm hungry."

When they all heard his response they were quite puzzled by why he would stay inside all the time, but they decided to start eating before it went cold. Once they tasted the first bite they all felt like melting at the awesome taste it held.

"This is soooo good."

"Thank you Inoue."

They all seemed to relax when Ichigo responded calmly, apparently he wasn't as startled as thy thought he would be taking in consideration how he acted with Ishida and Isshin. So know that it didn't seem so awkward they felt it easier to talk.

"Ichigo we… we never meant to hurt you we really didn't."

Ichigo glanced at Rukia that had just spoken up, she was as small as ever and still seemed to look like a high school student, and the only difference he could see was that she had cut her hair.

"It has been a long time since I last saw you, right Rukia."

Flinching at the slight sarcastic tone Ichigo had used she couldn't help but feel sorry for her former orange haired friend, he had been really hurt by all of this and she never though getting into a gigai and visiting him in fear that it would make it worse.

"We have always been watching you… since that day, we had someone protect you all the time. You were never alone until you disappeared all of sudden."

Seeing as Ichigo had stayed silent this time somebody else spoke up.

"We were wrong to think what was best for you and we should have thought of getting into a gigai and visiting you but…"

"We all decided on something without asking you first."

Feeling pissed off at the continuous banter of going to the same point as to why they did it he stood up and slammed his hands on the table. He kept looking down with black hair covering his eyes.

"You never thought to ask me first! You threw me aside once I was useless, and then still think you can decide for me?!"

"We didn't do that, we seriously never thought you were useless Kurosaki-san. Sure we made a mistake by thinking what was better for you, but that doesn't mean we ever did that because we thought you were useful or not."

Urahara thought it right to point out what he knew everyone wanted to prove, they never did what they did because he lost his powers and thought he was useless.

Ichigo kept silent and didn't say anything, that was the first time he had had an outburst in years and just showing his emotions really did make him feel better.

"We really are sorry Ichigo, we really are, we shouldn't have pushed you aside. We should have realized how you were feeling without you needing to tell us.

Ichigo sighed and slumped back on the chair at the head of the table, he noticed a small crack on the glass table that was made by the force he used, he had to restrain the small tingling feeling of happiness he felt at hearing how sincere and honest everyone was, even Tatsuki, Keigo and Mizuiro that shouldn't have anything to do with that world held looks that showed how sorry they were.

Ichigo sighed again and felt a small tug upwards that his lips made against his will.

"I'm going to need to buy a new table."

Everyone had confused looks, why would he need a new table? Ishida that was at Ichigo's right noticed the small 1 inch crack it held and raised an eyebrow at the tiny thing that made Ichigo want to buy a new table.

"You want to buy a new table because of such a small crack?"

Ichigo looked up at everyone but this time he held no pain, he knew it would take a while to be able to talk to everyone as well as before, and honestly he didn't know if he even wanted to, but for now he would accept their apology on the inside and wait to see what this month in Karakura Town brought.

"Yeah, I doesn't look as nice as before, if I'm trapped inside all the time it might as well be a comfortable and nice area."

They could see that the atmosphere had changed, he didn't seem as pained as before, maybe the chance they got was the best thing that could have happened.

"I've been curious Ichigo."

Mizuiro spoke up and brought everyone's attention, he didn't have his cellphone out like when he was in high school, he was pretty serious. Ichigo gestured him to continue with his curiosity and waited for his question.

"Why do you trap yourself in your house, you mentioned it before when you said it's why you're good at cooking. Don't you go to work or something?"

"Ah… well I work from home."

This intrigued everyone as they all wanted to know what the long lost person was up to these last few years, was he well like he said he was.

"And what do you work in son, it's not like there are much jobs you can do from your home."

"I'm a writer."

Everyone was surprised, too much to say the least. The brash, stubborn teenager they knew was someone they would have never imagined as a writer.

"A writer Ichigo?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that pineapple?"

Hearing his old nickname coming from Ichigo Renji smirked seeing it wasn't awkward anymore and that even though he had not said verbally he accepted their apology, he seemed much better. But what pissed him off was not the use of his nickname.

"Damn I can't call you carrot top anymore."

Feeling a smile grace his lips Ichigo completely forgot the tough relationship they had had because he had left and felt at ease with everyone.

"To bad for you."

"What have you written oni-chan?"

Ichigo looked to his left to see Yuzu's curious eyes, she had grown up so much, as well as Karin and were now grown women. He felt a slight blush come his way when he remembered all the books he's written, so instead of answering he got up went to his studio and got all the books he ever wrote. When he came back everyone was surprised when Ichigo returned with a stack of books that didn't let you see his face, almost tripping and dropping everything he was helped on the last minute by Chad that had helped him with half the books. He placed down the books in front of everyone to see.

Everyone was quietly eyeing the books, there were thick ones and thin ones, and there were at least 28 books in total.

"What's with all these books Ichigo, we asked for your work not all your library."

Scowling at hearing Keigo with his annoying thoughts that it was all his library, he had to suppress the urge to grab the man by the collar and drag him over to his library over at his studio so he could see that what he brought wasn't even 1/100 part of it.

"This is my work you idiot, my library is much bigger."

Everyone started to process the bunch of books in front of them, Inoue was the first one to grab one and look at the title and author.

"Oh my god! This is one of my favorite books!"

They were startled when Inoue beamed with happiness at seeing the author and couldn't help but look at the books as well. They were all surprised to find that they knew the author as his work was pretty famous and was even translated in different languages to distribute all around the world.

"You're kidding me, right?"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at Rukia's incredulous reaction.

"Did you know that this author and some of the books are common knowledge even soul society, heck did you know you're one of nii-sama's favorite human authors."

Blushing at the thought that even in soul society he was famous he couldn't help but look down in embarrassment.

"Now you see what I mean, there is not a time I go out of my house back in Tokyo where someone recognizes me."

Still not quite believing it, but not really having a choice in that matter Inoue, Yuzu, Rukia and Mizuiro couldn't resist the urge to ask for an autograph. When he was about to bring a copy of his books for them to sign even though it wasn't something he felt happy about, he heard a loud and unmistakable knock on the door followed by a yell.

"Ichigo! I know you're I there! You better open this god damn door and not be dying on the floor again!"

Shuddering slightly at the sound of his angry editor he didn't feel happy about having to open the door. But a pissed off Mizuki was worse if ignored. Ichigo's friends and family were surprised by the yell coming from the door and the horrified expression Ichigo held, but before anyone could think or Ichigo open the door, it came flying down and an angry women came rushing in.

"I can't believe what you do! All these years going to your house more times than I should be needed to go just to keep an eye ono you and make sure you don't die before you finish a book and the first thing you do where I can't see you is collapse?!"

"Calm down Mizuki, everyone can get sick you know."

"Sick my ass, I'm sick and tired of your behavior, never going out, shutting yourself in your house not socializing what so ever, only going to conferences and other invitations when obligated. How you never show emotions with your stupid poker face! And the worst of all is you get even more fan girls falling for you! I-"

"Mizuki!"

Calming down and finally seeing the surprised expressions and everyone on the room, seeing that he really wasn't alone like always made her feel slightly embarrassed.

"I'm not alone unless you haven't noticed."

"… oh… sorry about that. I'm-"

"MY FOURTH DAUGHTER?!"

"Ha?!"

Mizuki raised an eyebrow at Isshin's sudden outburst and what the crazy man was talking about and Ichigo just couldn't resist and face palmed at his dad's stupidity.

"SHE'S. MY. EDITOR. OYAJI."

Finally understanding who the black haired man was she couldn't not laugh at seeing the giant difference in personality and what he had actually implied.

"He's your dad! Are you serious?! He's nothing like you! Ha ha ha ha, and you. Fourth daughter? Besides the fact that his fans would kill any women that decides to approach him I'm actually married."

Ichigo had a tick mark, he was getting tired of god damn Mizuki's tease's about his fans, and for some reason he couldn't keep his uncaring face on.

"Whatever."

"Well seeing as you're pretty alive and you actually have comony, that's a new one. I'll go back to Tokyo, I have a lot of work to do. Bye bye Ichi-chan."

She left in a hurry not even waiting to hear an excuse. But before she was out of earshot Ichigo went to the door and yelled at her.

"Mizuki my door!"

"You're the one with the money!"

Scowling at his annoying editor he went back to the living room to find everyone gapping at the stupid scene that happened before them and only one was able to speak up. Karin.

"So Ichi-chan huh?"

"Shut up."

#2#


	3. The unquestionable bond

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, if I did I would have made Ichi-chan get back his powers differently.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

*Flashback*

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

Ichigo couldn't help but sigh at the thought of his door on the floor. He had to get this fixed… and he didn't know who the hell could do the job, he hadn't been in Karakua town in 10 years. And worst of all the snickering coming from some of his friends of the scene with his editor and his nickname of _Ichi-chan_, his day just couldn't get worse.

"Hey Ichigo, are you going to give us your autograph or not? I want one for Byakuya-nisama."

Ichigo flinched at the thought of having to autograph, he hated to do that, there was a reason why he would never assisted to those stupid signings things the fans wanted him to go. Sighing in defeat he motioned the group of people to follow him into the house and to his library. When his guests entered the studio he heard various gasps of surprise and others to surprised to make a noise.

The library was huge, no, that was an understatement, it was enormous, this could be the only reason why the house looked way bigger than most houses around the neighborhood.

"Wow… this. Is. Big."

Ichigo only rolled his eyes at Renji's statement, of course it would be big, if the 28 books he took out that he had said were his work and were only about 1/100 of the whole library, imagine how big the library was in comparison. After all the only reason why he didn't complain of the unnecessary money waist of a house that big was thanks to the library, he just couldn't live without books.

"I have various copies of the books I've written, those that want an autograph grab one and I'll sign it."

Seeing the happy expressions of several of his guests he noticed how he should be specific or he might end up signing 30 copies and he just didn't want that, so with the most annoyance he could muster; which wasn't much considering how hard it was for him to show his emotions regularly, he glanced back at his excited _fans._

"I'll only sign one each so don't start grabbing 28 books per person."

"Aw~ Come on Kurosaki-san I wanted to take one to Tessai-san."

Ichigo was getting overwhelmed by the amount of banter that was occurring lately, he was having enough excitement for one day and honestly he wasn't back at 100% after yesterday's downfall. Sure, he was taking medication, he went to the pharmacy yesterday after running from the clinic, but can't say that was enough considering how grave he was, so with all the ruckus he couldn't help but notice how his headache was constantly increasing. He groaned at the thought of having to go see a doctor since he really didn't want to go back to the clinic. Pushing the thought aside he looked at Kisuke in the eyes, making him involuntarily swallow harder than expected at seeing Ichigo's emotionless and dead eyes.'

"No. I recommend you just pick one before I change my mind, if Tessai-san wants one he can come back himself."

The light atmosphere that was created earlier was quickly revoked when they noticed Ichigo's change in demeanor, even if he didn't show it he was pretty annoyed that much was noticeable even if he didn't show emotion. He quickly turned back to the stack of books and started to pick some up and order them around so it would be easier for those that wanted, to pick one out and make him sign it. It was the least he could do to get it over with as fast as he could.

"Ne Ichi-ni…"

Ichigo glanced back at Karin that was side by side with her twin Yuzu in a nervous yet determined stare at his back that, now that he had turned around, were staring at him directly. He raised an eyebrow but otherwise remained emotionless until he saw how Yuzu had those puppy eyes she would sometimes use when she really really wanted something, and seeing them made his eyes soften even if just a little.

"Would you mind if I came every now and then to cook you a meal?"

Ichigo noticed the slight fear in her eyes, Karin was being the strong one and calling out to him so Yuzu could muster up the courage to tell him directly that much was evident. He knew that Yuzu noticed how he can cook for himself so if it was for a homemade meal well he practically had that covered so it was obviously because she wanted to spend more time with him or something like that.

"I… wouldn't mind…"

Saying nothing more he went back to work in organizing the books, completely missing the happy expression Yuzu held at his monotone response.

Once everyone had a copy of his books and had it autographed (Even Renji had grabbed one saying it was for his captain since he only permitted one per person) they all left him saying they were sorry once again and they were more than happy to see him and they hopped it wasn't the last. Though Tatsuki and Rukia had practically threatened him even if it didn't really get reaction out of him. Chad had said he worked at a repairs company and would send someone to fix his door later that day and that it would be on the house, not that Ichigo would mind paying but he was glad that was one problem less. Isshin like always had fussed about how Ichigo had left him with a giant pay for yesterday's incident making everyone find out about his collapse and making everyone in their own unique way, worry for him. Isshin in response had actually bought medicine especially for Ichigo and his cold saying he wouldn't get better on auto medication. And even after buying the medicine Isshin had thought it was a good idea to say he would be seeing him in the clinic for a checkup in two days in one of his serious tones that left no room for discussion.

When everyone had left through his nonexistent door he felt a sudden burden being relieved from his heart, he knew it was still painful to be all friendly with them, he knew it hurt him more than it helped him but since when did he care more for his wellbeing then those close to him. He also knew that he was hurting them but being so cold and leaving the unanswered apologies float by like if they were never even heard; he didn't accept them nor deny them and he knew that was killing them in the inside but he just couldn't find enough good inside himself to just accept the apology, it was too soon. The best he could do so as to not hurt them more than what he was hurting them was let them in when they came even if he kept them at arm length's distance.

He was startled and brought back from his thoughts when he felt a warm hand at his shoulder, he flinched at the physical contact but quickly relaxed when he noticed who it was, so instead of pulling back or pushing the hand away he just stood there, not acknowledging but not denying the simple gesture.

"You surprised me."

"**It was your own fault for being so distracted…"**

The silence between the two was not tense and heavy like the one created by him and his guests earlier. It was a comfortable silence that held a hidden message behind the simple moment.

'**I'll always protect you.'**

'I know… after all, what I want to protect…'

'**Is not the same as what I want to protect.'**

The silence was very welcome and Ichigo couldn't help but tug slightly upwards his lips at the thought of the spirit that had been with him from the very beginning, never abandoning him no matter what, even if he was a useless bum that always held him back, he never once left his side, always pushing him hard in the form of his hollow to make him stronger, always offering words full of wisdom when they were very much needed so he felt that if someone would ever be honest with him for the better it would be Zangetsu, after all, he had tested that theory 3 years ago with the longest chat he had ever had with the teen ever.

*Flashback*

_Ichigo was in one of his horrible writers blocks and didn't feel like doing anything except sleep, that's what he always did when he entered a slump even though his editor said it was better to go out and get the fresh breeze to clear your thoughts, it just didn't work the same for Ichigo and he knew it very well. But, the thing is that when he was in his blocks he would always end up thinking of the past and that didn't help one bit to clear his mind, it only made it worse._

"_Fuck…"_

"_**How about you come in your inner world? Maybe a change of environment will help you forget about all that and help you think clearly."**_

_He pondered over that, he had nothing to do sure, but he had yet to go into that place since he lost his powers, he was slightly scared it would still be flooded and be the small town of Karakura and that might bring back bad memories. Sighing and realizing he really had nothing to do and it might not be that bad he closed his eyes and evened out his breaths to enter his inner world. He took more time then what he thought he might take but in the end it was pretty much successful._

_When he opened his eyes he was surprised to find the sideways skyscrapers and the lack of water. He felt happy to see it was back to normal but was so concentrated on the scenery he was startled when he felt a hand at his shoulder._

"_Zangetsu? Don't scare me like that."_

_The white haired teen scowled at his owner, he was really getting tired of having to repeat himself so many times._

"_**My name is Tensa Zangetsu not Zangetsu."**_

"_Well it's too long so I'll either call you Tensa or Zangetsu so get used to it."_

_Giving up on trying to make Ichigo call him by his complete name he let go of Ichigo's shoulder and looked him in the eye before speaking up._

"_**Have you noticed your appearance?"**_

_Finally realizing he hadn't he looked around until he found a clearer building that he could use as a mirror and when he saw his reflection he was slightly startled by what he saw ._

"_I look like I'm in my early Twenties!"_

_What he had said was right, he looked to be in his early twenties and had slightly long orange hair just like he had in his physical body, the best example of the length would be his post dangai form, because that was precisely how he appeared. A sleeve of his bankai coat was missing being replaced by the long black chain wrapped around his arm. The chain was connected to the hilt of his pitch black zanpaktou that was sheathed nicely at his hip in an equally as black scabbard_

"_**You look younger because your shinigami powers returned when you were in your early twenties, remember souls don't age the same as humans so it's normal for your soul to not have even aged a day from back then. And also you can't hide from your soul your real hair color so don't bother with the black dye."**_

_Seeing as it was a reasonable explanation he shrugged it off thinking how it was for the better, at least in soul he would be young for a long time. But what had him slightly intrigued was the fact that if he were in inch shorter his zanpaktou would be touching the floor since it was at his hip, the funny part was that even though he was chained up to the sword he had the liberty of stretching all he wanted, it seemed the chain could be manipulated at his will._

"_Well this is quite interesting. Might actually be useful in battle."_

"_**Want to give it a try?"**_

_Ichigo looked back in shock at the fact that the teen was asking him for a spar, he never had a spar with Zangetsu just for the fun of it, heck, most of the time it was to kill him._

"_You know I might as well be useless in my current state, after all it's been like 9 years since I last wielded a sword."_

"_**Than now is a good time to start, don't you think?"**_

_Shrugging and thinking it might be a good idea he went ahead and unsheathed his zanpaktou, ready for an attack and a good beating from the other, after all, he doubted a zanpaktou spirit could get rusty like him._

_After what felt like forever their spar ended, and just like he thought, he had his ass handed to him. He was currently lying on his back on one of the millions of skyscrapers panting hard and out of breath. He was shocked when he felt someone grabbed his head and placed it on his lap, and looking up he saw it was Tensa Zangetsu with an indifferent look on his face._

"_What's with this sudden change of heart, being so kind and all."_

"_**Shut up or I'll drop it hard on the ground."**_

_Sighing and knowing he would do it he decided not to tease the zanpaktou and promote him to fulfill his threat. He was really comfortable when all of a sudden he felt a lone drop fall on his cheek. Ichigo glanced up to see that the lone drop had come from his zanpaktou and that made him remember the only time he had actually seen him cry, when he stabbed him and gave him the answer to the final getsuga tenshou. _

"_We really haven't talked about that day, huh?"_

_The teen looked away at seeing that he had been seen and slightly shook his head. Ichigo sighed and brought a hand to the teen's cheek to make him look back at him. He seemed so lost and at the same time so hurt._

"_You know I wouldn't have done it if there were another way… but… even if I never regretted it I did miss this… sparing, the weight of your blade on my person, the sight of this world, heck I even missed the annoying voice of your god damn inner hollow half."_

_This made Tensa scowl and look down at his wielder with a gaze that would kill if it weren't because it was just not possible._

"_But… I knew you would never leave me… after all… you've been protecting me all this time, right?"_

_This made the blades breathe hitch in his throat, Ichigo was actually smiling, a small but genuine smile that held so much emotion that he had ever seen on Ichigo over the last years. It made him feel so much emotions. Happiness, longing, completeness, relief but at the same time pain, pain since he knew he wasn't being completely honest with Ichigo. Sure, he had never lied to Ichigo, but he had never said the truth either, Tensa knew after all, that that wasn't good anyways._

'_**A truth that has not been said is not less lie than a real lie.'**_

_Tensa was pondering. Would Ichigo hate him if he said the truth, would he push him aside and be mad at him because he was no better than his so called friends as he had also hidden the truth from Ichigo. He was brought back from his thoughts when Ichigo brushed a gentle finger under his eyes to clean the unfallen tears._

"_If you have something to say I'll hear you out… you know I'll always be here for you as much as you are there for me."_

_Tensa Zangetsu bit his lower lip in debate, should he tell him, should he brush it off saying it was best to leave it for later. Damn he hated being in this permeant angsty teenage form, he would have his thoughts less jumbled up and be able to form more coherent solutions. Realizing that it might be for the best he took a deep breath and looks in the eye at the orange haired man, fierce determination hiding the slight fear he felt._

"_**I may not be any better than all those people that abbondoned you, you know…"**_

_Ichigo raised an eyebrow at this, was Tensa implying he was hiding something? It wouldn't be a first but for the zanpaktou to seem so troubled worried him of what it might be._

"_**Remember when I told you… when I was attacking you to fight for dominance and control over the hollow powers?"**_

_He nodded at this seeing as he remembered that day as clear as ever, after all, it was one of those glorious days he had tried to kill him._

"_**Think back to that day and remember what I said when you asked where old man Zangetsu was… I said… he said, **_**I'm Zangetsu. **_**That was never a lie. I- The old man in a cloak was, is, am not your zanpaktou spirit… I… he is your Quincy part of your soul." **_

_Ichigo could only stare wide eyed. So, old man Zangetsu was never old man Zangetsu… so the hollow was Zangetsu all this time? That was something he wouldn't have given a shit for if it weren't because of the second fact… the identity of old man Zangetsu. After all, Quincy just didn't fit in the mix no matter what he thought, I mean, he wasn't a Quincy!_

"_But I'm not a-"_

"_**Maybe you're not, but your mother was…"**_

_This left Ichigo silent, he could see why Tensa had hesitated so much to tell him, it was a huge fact that was silently driving him insane, he really didn't know what to think. I part of him, the part that was still a rash teenager wanted to jump up from his comfy position and yell at the other. But, his more dominant part, the mature one that he used more as he was getting older made him take a deep breath and release it various times to relax, closing his eyes and sorting his thoughts._

'_The current Tensa Zangetsu was originally formed by Old man Zangetsu and my Inner hollow in Bankai form. But, if you take into consideration that my Inner hollow is my Zanpaktou spirit with, for some reason, hollow in there, that just meant that the old man was his Quincy powers, making him a compete mush of every race… but if the old man was able to merge with my zanpaktou that meant that he was also a part of my power even if he wasn't who I thought he was in the beginning.'_

_Finally getting to a conclusion, Ichigo opened his eyes to see the worried expression on the teen's face, he gave a small crooked smile to reassure the other before he spoke up._

"_I really would have liked to have known more about myself you know… but if you didn't tell me it must have been for a reason just like how you would almost kill me a lot of times… don't worry I'm not mad at you, maybe a little shocked but not mad."_

_Seeing as the other wasn't actually mad Tensa couldn't help but let a sigh grace his lips in relief, he was more than happy to see how Ichigo had taken it, how mature he had acted and how much he had changed and at the same time hadn't, always having a forgiving heart. So one Tensa Zangetsu realized how much better saying the truth made him feel he couldn't help but also return a sloppy smile._

"_**Thank you…"**_

*Flashback End*

Feeling the lack of warmth from his companion he glanced back only to realize he had returned to his inner world, he must have dozed off since it was way later than what he thought it should be. He hoped Chad would send someone to repair his door quickly, he didn't want to sleep at night like this after all.

"**Ichigo."**

'What? Can you not see I'm busy right now?"

"**Che, fine if you don't want some advice."**

This brought the black haired man's attention as Tensa rarely made recommendations and just let Ichigo live his life how he wanted to unless it was a life or death situation. Forgetting that he had to mentally respond since someone could just walk into his house and hear him talking alone he could help but respond out loud in slight surprise.

"What?"

"**Why don't you go and ask your dad about my other half if you're so curious about your mom?"**

Ichigo had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes, it seemed he had forgotten the splendid relationship he had with everyone and also the fact that he told his dad he would wait until he was ready so he really couldn't just go up to him and demand answers, even less when he thought how his dad would jump in joy if Ichigo would ever go and ask for a talk and that would just make everything awful. Even the sheer thought of it made chills run down his spine, he did not want to see that.

"I think I can wait a little bit longer."

To be continued…

Okay well this is the third chapter, sorry it took so long I kind concentrate more on my major story The ending that never came, it has more views no offense those that enjoy this one as well and would like a faster update but it's a little more difficult for me to write this one than the other. So, I hope you like the story and thank you for reading.

And guess what!?

IT'S ALMOST ICHI-CHAN'S BIRTHDAY! JULY 15!

٩(●̮̃•)۶


	4. Never to late

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, if I did I would have made Ichi-chan get back his powers differently.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

*Flashback*

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#4#

Sometimes concentrating on his thoughts without dwelling on the past was too hard for Ichigo to handle. It was too painful sometimes he forgot he had to breathe or lose track of time and it happened more than once over the last 10 years so he couldn't say being in this state was a rare occurrence.

He liked the fact that he was able to face his friends, family, allies, nakama, the way he did, because Ichigo knew that if he hadn't mustered up the courage to do so he would be way worse in this moment.

Sure, he had been able to talk to them in a somewhat normal way, but that hadn't changed the fact that he still felt uncomfortable around them and more so when he was not mentally prepared for the situation. So right now, thinking he might see them around over the month made it slightly terrifying and at the same time something to look forward to. He just hoped that when it would happen he wouldn't end up running away like he did the first time he had been recognized.

So here he was now, trying to concentrate on a new idea for his new book to no avail. He hadn't gone out in the last two days and he hadn't had unexpected visitors so he would count it as a plus; Yuzu had called a few times to remind him that she would come over some day to make him a delicious meal even if he didn't know how she got his number. But even with no interruptions, no more encounters he just couldn't concentrate, he had gone into his inner world more times than he had been going before, he found peace in that place but now it only brought some sort of emptiness, like if something was missing but he couldn't put his finger on it, so instead of going back in there he was now lying on his couch with his arms crossed behind his head, feet slightly lifted on the armchair and staring sternly at the ceiling with a bunch of stupid (to him) thoughts.

It was so quiet right now he felt he could drown in the silence and that was weird, he had always enjoyed the silence so it was quite strange that suddenly the silence was more of a curse than it was a gift. Ichigo glanced to the side to see the digital clock on the long counter table on the hallway that was directly in front of the living room. It read 8:45 pm and in the bottom left was the date, he could barely make out the numbers since he didn't have his glasses on and they were way smaller in comparison from the time but there was no doubt about it, it read June 15. _That _date was getting closer and closer and for the first time in 10 years he would be in Karakura for that day so he really didn't know what to do.

Should he visit her? No, that was not something he should think of, he just _had _to visit her. But, what would he say, it has been so long he actually forgot what he used to talk to her about. Would she be mad about the current situation, about the fact that he dyed the orange hair his mom had always adored, would she even think to forgive him for all the pain he had unwittingly created? How he lost the will to be a protector a long time ago and had just felt emptiness in his heart, reflection of why it was so hard to show his emotions so openly now in day. He just didn't know what to think, but there was one thing for sure…he would find out when the time would come… he just hoped he could find an answer and that it wouldn't break him further.

He sighed and turned to the side to curl up into the backrest of the couch, it was warm, it felt so comfortable but even as he started drifting off to sleep he couldn't help but feel an uneasiness in the pit of his stomach, he just knew that nothing went right when he felt this way.

'It's meaningless to just live… but when the time comes, will I be able to fight back my own locked up emotions to break free?'

Before the darkness graced him and he went into a deep slumber he could have sworn he saw a glimpse of the dream he would have but not remember the next day. What shone throughout his thoughts was the bright crescent moon of Hueco Mundo on top of the dome of Las Noches, and imposing bat like figure with menacing green eyes whisper into the eternal white sands.

"_Didn't you say you had to win…? Kurosaki Ichigo…"_

#4#

The next day Ichigo could have sworn that he was hearing noises in his house that was supposed to be empty, but it felt so real to ignore he couldn't help but perk up his hearing senses to see if he wasn't mistaken. He was still on the couch at his living room so it wasn't hard to hear the clatter in the kitchen that was not that far away. He groaned and turned to lie flat in his back, he ached in some places but of course that was just the consequences if sleeping on the couch even though he had such a comfortable bed. He stretched his legs and arms before giving a giant yawn and opening his eyes only to close them again thanks to the harsh light that made his eyes sting slightly. He blinked various times before finally being able to keep amber eyes open. He sat up and looked around the living room only to notice a bag on the low coffee table, he was slightly confused but it was obviously a women's handbag and he was certain he hadn't invited some random girl over or even given anyone the key… except of course the obnoxious cleaning lady but she didn't come today. He was about to stand up to get to the kitchen and see who it was but was startled when a slightly high pitched voice with a sweet but scolding tone to it was heard to his right.

"Ah! You're finally up, Oni-chan. You know that's bad for your health, sleeping on the couch all night. Breakfast is ready so you might as well go wash your face before coming to the dining table."

Ichigo could only stare at the place where his sister once stood before she went storming back into the kitchen with spoon in hand, sure, he knew she would come sooner or later but this was sorta sudden so when she came out from the kitchen he was caught by surprise. At least he didn't leave running for shelter.

"**No, you just froze, that for your information is as bad as running."**

Ichigo only sent a curse his zanpaktou's way before he stood up with a groan, stretching once more to make all his bones pop back in place. With another big yawn he strode to the bathroom in his room to wash up a little and change his clothing, after all, being in yesterday's clothing was not something Ichigo wanted to do. So once he was fully clothed he went to the kitchen to find Yuzu placing the last dishes on the glass table.

He sat down at his seat without a word to his sister with is usual blank expression, once Yuzu also sat down next to him he grabbed the pair of chopsticks before muttering a barely audible _Itadakimasu _when the first bite was taken Ichigo couldn't help but sigh with the chopsticks still in his mouth as the sweet flavor melted in his tongue.

"Even with all the lessons I took I can't even hope to compare to your cooking."

Ichigo didn't take a glance at the youngest of the Kurosaki children but if he had he would have seen the slight blush that crept up her cheeks and the smile that formed at her lips at seeing her brother at least somewhat content even though he didn't show it.

"The recipes were Oka-san's"

Yuzu still kept her smile as Ichigo stopped with his food mid-way to his mouth, she was looking down at her food with a distant but happy expression, never once showing signs that she would cry or even sob like she did as a kid.

"I can teach you if you want, or pass the recipes, I think she would like that."

Not really showing emotion but with an obvious turmoil on the inside he glanced down to look at Yuzu that had begun to eat yet again.

"You remember her by cooking, don't you…? Do you think I can learn to cook food like yours and Oka-san's that are so full of love…? Love that I might not be able to show any longer even if I tried…?"

Yuzu could only look up to meet Ichigo's eyes with such a warm expression that it made Ichigo make a double take, because, the expression Yuzu held was one that Masaki would make. One that Ichigo knew too well.

She, on the other hand seemed to ignore Ichigo's question and flowed off onto something else that made Ichigo raise an eyebrow and a confused glance her way.

"Did you know? There was a time when I wouldn't stop crying when you left… not even Karin could make me change my mind of keeping myself locked up in my room… as the days flew by I noticed something, something that I should have noticed long ago."

Ichigo couldn't stop the sheer shock from creeping up his face, after all, she had such a fierce determination in a way it scared him to think how much Yuzu had changed over the last 10 years.

"I was always the smallest and I would always think that my job was to sit down and listen to Karin and you when you came back with problems, but, I noticed something… I had the courage to hear all your problems but not because I was the youngest, the frailest I was obligated to not stand up and speak… I wanted to blame my vulnerability on someone else but it was always my fault, because if I wanted change than I needed to change. So… I'm not letting my emotions hold me down, I'm not letting what others think or what I think stop me, I won't ever let that happen again. So, don't say things like that Oni-chan… what happened to the determined brother I once had?"

He couldn't help but stare wide eyed at his sister. When had she grown up so much? He had missed her most difficult timed like a coward and had turned tail just because he had his own problems and now here she was giving him advice like if he was the youngest.

"You're not alone no matter what you may think. Karin, Otou-san, Orihime-san, Uryuu-kun, Sado-san, Tatsuki, Asano-san, Kojima-kun, Rukia, Renji-kun, Urahara-san, Yoruichi-san and many others are here for you so never forget that."

Yuzu only smiled at seeing her brother's dumbstruck expression, she really hoped the message got through to him and he noticed how it wasn't too late to hold onto himself once more and fight through.

She started to stand up and grab her empty plates leaving Ichigo to look down at his own food before deciding to keep on eating but stay silent with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I have to go work but I hope I'll see you soon. Otou-san was mad because you didn't come to your appointment yesterday so he said that if you didn't go today he would drag you over himself."

Ichigo could only nod at his sister's remark. In all sincerity he had really forgotten all about Isshin's appointment thanks to his unexpected collapse but still he wouldn't go willingly even if it was the last thing he did but this was a must so he wouldn't complain.

He heard a rustle noise of what he noticed was Yuzu placing the dishes in the cupboard before she went to grab her bag and looked at Ichigo from the hallway that led to the door that had thankfully been repaired thanks to Chad.

"I hope you will come with us tomorrow to visit Oka-san. Usual hour, usual place… Bye bye, Oni-chan."

"A-ah…"

Ichigo heard the noticeable click of the door being shut before he went back to eat his breakfast, it really was delicious, he had missed this feeling, it did taste different when being made by someone that cared for you, someone that had that certain feeling behind everything they did.

'So very different from me.'

"**But not impossible… you used to do it before even if you want to deny it… it's not the same as cooking but every swing you took was for them and it held unimaginable power because of it. Remember well Ichigo, that feeling of wanting to protect what was dear to you. What drove you to obtain the power you have."**

He could only stay silent as Tensa's words sank in, deep within his soul.

#4#

Isshin was a very busy man even if everyone around him doubted it, after all what would a goof ball like him have to do that would make him serious enough to deal with. So now that the neighbors caught sight of a very serious and worried black haired doctor they couldn't help but feel a catastrophe was coming their way since it was a very rare occurrence.

"Where the hell is he?!"

Those that were close enough to the clinic doors were able to make out the distressed yell coming from inside, and it made them jump at not only seeing the man that wasn't serious enough to save is life also sound as worried as he seemed to be.

The people that were walking by or had to be out their own houses could only hope to pray that whoever was the next person to enter the small clinic be prepared to face a storm. And as they saw a black haired man with slightly spiky hair they could only feel sorry for the man.

As one of the ladies that were sweeping outside their homes was going to warn the man, the doctor in thought came flying out the door to tackle down the poor man with a war cry that they could barely make out.

"ICHIIIGOOO, MY DEAR SON! WHERE WERE YOU? DADDY WAS SOOOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!"

Those that were still passing by could only gap at the scene before them. The black haired man stood still with an unreadable expression as the middle aged doctor gave him a hug that the man only seemed to ignore. But, as the words finally kicked in they were able to process who the newly arrived man that didn't seemed one bit surprised by the doctor's antics was.

Ichigo, not being able to support his dad's stupid wailing, he kicked him in the gut forcing him to roll backwards only to be stopped by a wall with a grunt.

"Shut up, you're causing a scene. Act like a normal person before I decide to leave again, I can go find another doctor you know."

"You wouldn't dare replace me!"

The former orange head only crossed his arms over his chest with a face that read _try me _staring at the sobbing form of his father that seemed as innocent as a child at the moment, but with a sigh stood up and reluctantly went into the clinic followed by an annoyed black haired man behind.

As Isshin entered doctor mode, Ichigo could only sigh in relief and support the tests his dad would run on him just to make sure he finally recovered seeing as he was apparently worried, not that Ichigo bought that act, but he was pleased to say the least when his father acted as a responsible adult and went through the tests in a normal way until he deemed them enough.

"Well apparently you're healthy enough on my page. Just don't go finding yourself in harms ways since your immune system is still not at max. Capability."

"Okay, I can do that."

Seeing as it wasn't much to ask for he nodded in understanding before standing from his seated position and striding to the door only to be stopped by a serious Isshin. Ichigo could only groan, seeing as his dad had chosen that moment to talk to him about something that might take his time, time he could use in sorting out his thoughts. He really didn't need more to think about now.

"Ichigo… are you going to come with us tomorrow?"

Ichigo was quite taken aback his dad wasn't asking him anything major, it was in a way weird to see Isshin serious for something as simple as that.

"I will go if that's what you're asking… I'm still not sure but… I might meet you guys up there…"

Not taking a second to spare Ichigo left through the door towards his own home, he still didn't know if it was a good idea to go with his family or not, but one thing was for sure… he would try and fix things with his mother tomorrow, he just hoped Yuzu was right and it wasn't too late yet.

'**It's never too late. Don't focus on what was taken away. Find something to replace it, and acknowledge the blessing you have… Ichigo I want you to learn this more than anything else.'**

#4#

Happy birthday to Ichigo today! Yay!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, in case you're wondering the part of his dream is in reference to Ichigo's fight with Ulquiorra on top of Las Noches when Ulqui was all like this:

"_You're a fool, Kuroskai Ichigo. You should fear my power yet you still fight like you think you can win. I don't understand you… if that's because of what you call a heart, then it is the heart that causes you human's pain. It is because if your heart that you will die."_

"_I don't fight… because I think I can win. I fight because I have to win!"_

Okay so that's the part I based the glimpse of the dream about. Next time we have the visit to Kurosaki Masaki's grave and for those that felt disappointed in the Ichigo x Rukia first encounter let me tell you that you might be surprised for the next chapter.

Sorry of its short but I thought it was for the best, have a good day and Thank you for your Support as always!

To be continued…


	5. Determination

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, if I did I would have made Ichigo pair with someone a long time ago (Not specifying since I have a lot of favorite pairs).

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

*Flashback*

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#5#

Ichigo rolled over with a groan as the deafening sound of the alarm clock woke him up from his not so peaceful sleep, he turned over to stop the clock and sat up with slightly hazy eyes from being asleep mere seconds ago. Trying to blink away the sleep induced state he was in he stretched and gave out a big yawn getting up in the process. Once standing he went directly to the bathroom with a bored expression, he saw himself in the mirror and couldn't help but slump his shoulders at the sight.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Talking to seemingly no one, Ichigo went to pull at a black lock to see that his natural orange was starting to grow out even if it was just a little. He went looking from cabinet to drawer to find a black bottle that read black hair dye, as he found it he couldn't help but stare at it rather intently almost like if hesitating in a way.

'Today's the day… I can already hear Oka-san disapproving of this.'

He was so lost in thought he couldn't help but feel startled when the doorbell rang so he quickly put the bottle down and strode to the entrance to open the door, not really caring he was just in gray sweat pants. Once he opened the door he was surprised by the mails person that had a medium sized package in her hands. He stared at the lady with his normal blank expression that made her squirm in discomfort but even so blush of the sight before her.

"I-I have this package b-by the name of Mugetsu."

Ichigo only nodded and held out his hands to retrieve the package and sign the papers that were needed for the mails lady, he gave a small nod before muttering a brief thank you that was barely heard. Not even caring he closed the door and took his mail to the living room to open it up and check it out.

He knew very well what it was, after all only his editorial office knew to relate him with the name Mugetsu, it was his author name and obviously this kind of information was not open for public. He proceeded to open the box and take out one of the many copies of the book.

It was his new book and he always received copies from his work before it went on sale so that if there was anything he disapproved of it could be fixed, mainly the cover since that's the only thing he doesn't see until now. Ichigo nodded in approval at the cover before placing it back down on the table, making a mental note to give Mizuki the okay on his part.

He thought of just leaving the box in the middle of the living room but thought best to not do so since he didn't really enjoy having a mess in his house. He quickly picked up the box once more and headed to his office, leaving it next to all the others he had.

He let out a small sigh as he looked rather depressed at the new box which was open so he could look perfectly at the cover of the many copies they had sent him. Before he knew it he was grabbing a copy once more and held it in his hands, running a thumb in a soothing motion over the hard cover. The book wasn't anything spectacular, he knew he had written even better works before but for some reason he couldn't help but sympathize with this precise book. He stared at the cover and traced with the same thumb the green vines that snacked around a pitch black sword, stabbed pretty deeply in white infinite sands with the crescent moon hanging almost mystically at the top.

He couldn't help but give a small sad smile; if this wasn't hueco mundo than he didn't know what was, the never ending sands, the creepy yet beautiful moon… Zangetsu, piercing the sands but obviously abandoned… if this wasn't a giveaway that Mugetsu the author and Kurosaki Ichigo were the same person than he didn't know what was.

He gave out a slow and shaky sigh, glancing down at the cover once more but not even thinking of placing it back in the box but rather take it with him, and he did, turning tail towards his room with book grasped tightly in his hand.

In his room he returned to his bathroom only to stare back at the black bottle he had left unattended when the bell rang. He stared at it for what felt like hours but was only a few seconds, he gave out another sigh and returned to his room, placing the book on his night stand and striding to the cardboard boxes that had yet to be unpacked. He searched through every single box until he found a small plastic bag, he opened it to find a transparent bottle with a creamy, white substance.

Picking himself up from his crouching position he returned to the bathroom only to throw the black dye in the trash and open the other bottle… a dye remover.

He usually dyes his hair every 15 to 25 days since it's not actually a permanent hair dye, that would be bothersome and he'd have to go to the hair salon really often doubting he could permanently dye it himself, so using a dye remover is very much possible. He just hopes he makes the right decision, he bets Mizuki is going to get a heart attack but he doesn't care, less people (fans) will recognize him but he doesn't care either, he knows the media is going to think he bleached it but in the end… he doesn't give a damn.

When he finishes applying he waits the estimated time until he takes a shower, seeing how the black color fades into the drain along with the soap. He gets out with a towel wrapped around his waist and he stops… he looks at himself in the mirror and for once in a long time he actually sees Kurosaki Ichigo.

Ichigo blinks to get used to seeing himself again before going into the closet, looking for something to wear for the day. He decides to wear pitch black cargo pants, a dark olive green button shirt with a black jacket on top, this being a bit longer than a normal jacket and being more of a coat. He had put on some black shoes to go with his very much black attire and looked once more in the mirror to make sure everything looked good, noticing once more that his hair was orange again.

"That's going to take some time getting used to."

"**But I very much prefer your orange hair if you ask me."**

The now, once again orange head couldn't help but roll his eyes, very much annoyed that his hollow/zanpaktou/quincy powers had decided to comment on that now and not before…. And now that he thought about it he still didn't know what to call this white haired teen, was he still considered a zanpaktou spirit or was he something else?

Thinking to himself that it really didn't matter he pushed the thought aside earning himself a confused expression that happened to appear on the teen in his inner world. But Ichigo only gives a small sigh in response until he gives the other a mental response.

'Look Tensa I really can't act interested in this. You're my power, part of my soul but if I don't even know what, who I am than how am I supposed to know exactly what you are? You're me and I'm you, what else do I need to know?'

Ichigo could feel how the teen was scowling in a very Ichigo like way, he seemed to understand his answer but still not fully content with being shut up in that way. Sure enough Ichigo was right but the orange haired man was not understanding something, he had not put a fit because Ichigo doesn't really ponder on what _he _is but on the fact that it really doesn't matter, because it's not important to know what he or Ichigo are, what matters is what he does with that power and where it will take him. But of course his thick headed wielder will not discover this until he actually sits down to think of what he is so that he can come to the realization himself. Ichigo needs to realize that he has to discover what he will do with his power since he really isn't a protector at the moment.

'**I'm not going to tell him myself.'**

While Zangetsu was pouting in his head, Ichigo had already finished his preparations, eating breakfast, checking his e-mail and other basic things for him. Now he was just getting back from his master bedroom, book grasped firmly in hand and grabbing a spare set of keys that was left in the living room, not wanting to take his car keys or his car. He gave a final glance to his new home in Karakura before stepping forward to the door, hand lingering very close to the doorknob but not even touching it just yet.

'How bad have I fallen?'

This thought crosses his mind as he thinks how much of a coward he is, being scared of facing his whole family once again, going to visit his mother's grave and still not knowing what to tell her even though nothing he could say to her would be enough to make her forgive him. He had broken his promise, he had been a coward- is a coward.

_Protector._

He scoffed at that sole word. Right now he was anything but a protector, obviously nowhere near the number one protector his mother had named him as. He had… failed her once more…

"_Ichi… go…"_

All of a sudden Ichigo turns around as he could have sworn he heard a noise just behind him, but he saw nothing, nothing was there and was never there, but as he was turning back to the door, still thinking of that night 19 years ago in which he had first failed his mother he heard a voice he thought he wouldn't hear until later that day.

"_It's not anyone's fault that Masaki died. It's just that… the woman I fell in love with… was a woman who could die protecting her son. And don't forget, you are the guy… the woman that I loved gave her life to protect."_

His eyes couldn't help but widen, he stood still looking rather intently at the door but not really looking at it at the same time as so many words of past memories passed through his mind. Some from his dad, some from others he would never expect but always words that were said to him once upon a time.

"_Live well, age well, and go bald well. And die after me. And... if you can, die smiling. If I can't, I won't be able to face Masaki. Don't hesitate to act. Sadness is a cool thing to shoulder, but you're still too young."_

Would he still be considered to young even now? Compared to his dad that was obviously a given but he still couldn't help but think, was he just hesitating thanks to his own regret, his own fear?

_"There is nothing, but fear reflected in your sword. When you dodge, you're afraid of getting killed. When you attack, you're afraid of killing someone. Even when you try to protect someone, you're afraid of letting them die. Yes, your sword speaks to me only of absurd fear. What's necessary in a fight isn't fear. Nothing can be born of that. When you dodge, "I won't let them cut me." If you protect someone, "I won't let them die." If you attack, "I will kill them." Well, can't you see the resolve to kill you in my sword?"_

Was his fear the only thing stopping him from moving on? Was the fear of being used and discarded like a rag doll making him be such a coward? Did he really have so little faith in his friends?

"_You're not in my way! If you get hurt, then I'll support you! If you can't move then I'll fight in your place! If you're in pain then I'll bear your pain! We're friends, right?!"_

Was this all just work of his own imagination trying to stop him from giving a step forward?

His own heart, his feelings were locked up a long time ago when he felt betrayed and yet here he is now, with those that betrayed him that are now only trying to recreate those bonds, fix the relationships they broke and he's just shutting himself in not even giving them a chance.

'I thought I said I would…'

Yes he certainly did but that was not enough for his heart, he had said it- thought it but he never voiced it out, he never promised himself he would try. He just thought he would.

'Where the hell have I been these last 10 years?'

His astonishment was too much, he just couldn't help but hate himself all over again, but this time it wasn't self-pity, no, he was mad because now that he has a second chance he's not even trying, he's doing the exact opposite.

"_Are you a man whose resolve is so easily broken…?! Are you afraid of defeat? Are you afraid you cannot protect your friends…?"_

His hand still hovering so close to the knob finally grasps it tight still not turning it but clenching it with much force one would think the metal would bend any minute now.

"No…"

His voice was barely above a whisper but was very much heard by the now smirking teen lying flat on one of the many blue skyscrapers.

Ichigo tightened and untightened his grip on the knob, eyes unfocused and lost in the sea of memories only to widen when such a familiar voice was last heard in his head.

_"I'm not superman, so I can't say anything big like I'll protect everyone on earth. I'm not a modest guy who will say it's enough if I can protect as many people as my two hands can handle either. I want to protect a mountain-load of people."_

Those oh so familiar words that came from his own mouth years ago…

_"It's meaningless to just live, it's meaningless to just fight. I want to win!"_

That line that encouraged him to keep on fighting a monster like Kenpachi even though he was bleeding himself to death… something he himself said…

_"'Our pride', you said? So that pride you're saying to be so precious, is that connected to killing Rukia? Is it? Then I should stomp on it as you said. 'Cause that's why I obtained this Bankai!"_

That lesson he wanted to teach a man that had locked his heart so very similar to how he has his right now…

_"The difference in strength...what about it? Do you think I should give up just because you're stronger than me? I've always known you were strong. Nothing I see now will change my mind. I will defeat you, Ulquiorra."_

The never caring attitude he had and his stubbornness that even now hasn't left his side once… the confidence he had in himself and his own power…

_"At first, I thought "I want to protect Mom." The ones to protect increased with the birth of my sisters. I kept going to a dojo for the sake of protecting them. I got a bit stronger. The ones I thought I wanted to protect became more and more."_

And that is when he realized. Why should he _care _what others do with him? Since when did their opinion matter? If he was to be used as a rag doll again just because he came back he would prevent it, if he had to protect his beloveds and everyone else again he would do it. Why would anyone else matter right now? It was all about him and those he once sought to protect. He himself had said it before to the loud petite shinigami he had gone to save years ago.

"_From now on I'm ignoring all your opinions! You got that? Huh? I'm the rescuer here, you just shut up!"_

Oh how stupid he had been, his 15 year old self was way more mature than his current 28 year old. He was brave in those times heading straight to the battlefield, going through much bloodshed if it meant he could protect his own friends. He was not a coward back then. And there was only one reason why he did all that 12 years ago.

"**And why is that?"**

Because that's what made him Kurosaki Ichigo.

He gave a slow twirl to the knob, turning it open, a new door that was placed in his path a long time ago but he had yet to see. He pulled the door to see the bright light of the sun shining on the streets of his neighborhood.

He took a step forward clenching the book in his grasp, never looking back to return to his home, closing the door behind him and even going as far as to lock it shut but never going back, he wouldn't dare look back, not because he was scared, no, far from that, it was because of something else.

"Abandon your fear. Look forward. Move forward and never stop. You'll age if you pull back. You'll die if you hesitate."

'Isn't that right, Zan?'

He would not go back, he promised himself that. He would embrace the future but he would never go in blindly, he would give his best effort; not running from everyone, giving them a chance to reform the bond, not pushing them out. He could at least try.

And that was the moment his resolve hardened.

#5#

"Ne otou-san do you think Oni-chan will come?"

Isshin was about to turn to the youngest of his daughters and answer in his usual goofy self, but one look from the two twins combined made him flinch and think twice on wither he should or not. He sighed, apparently being defeated and so easily as well. He glanced back at the road that headed back down the hill and into town and couldn't see anyone in sight. He returned his gaze to his two lovely daughters before lifting an arm to pass fingers lazily through black, somewhat spiky hair.

"I really don't know… he said he might…"

This didn't seem to reassure the two in the slightest and to tell the true it wasn't reassuring Isshin either. He glanced down the road once more, trying to make his eyes reach farther than his eye sight let him to no avail. He glanced at the concrete floor with a saddened expression clearly written in his face, an expression he would have never made years back in front of his children.

A time when Yuzu was still a crybaby that would do so at the sole mention of her mother and later on of her brother as well. A time when Karin acted way older than her age suggested and was always giving a tough act that was clearly made for show.

Now Yuzu was not a crybaby, she had a degree in nursing school having come out at the top of her class, she was fierce and would never back down on what she thought was right even if she was weaker than all three of his children. Karin still puts a tough act but now it's not only for show, she has an outstanding career in sports and no one thinks otherwise, she along with Yuzu are practically 24 and the mere thought sends chills down his spine. His children have grown and he couldn't be happier. If only his family wasn't as broken as it currently was and the worst of all, he could not blame his son because it had been their fault… it had been his fault.

'What kind of father am I?'

He gave out a tired sigh and turned to the twins, they were both silent, Yuzu staring rather earnestly at the picnic basket in her hand and Karin gazing over the sea of tombstones in the graveyard, they were both distracted that much was obvious but they were also worried.

Isshin glanced down the path once more, already given up hope but trying one last time before telling the girls it's time to go, but, as he looks down the road of the hill he can't help but gasp at the sight, eyes as wide as saucers.

The two girls heard their dad and turned to look at his dumbfounded expression only to follow his gaze and catch sight of something orange.

In other words the reason of their depression.

Yuzu brighten ups and leaves the basket on the floor, running forward to catch her brother in a hug, she doesn't realize what she's doing until she's already in his arms.

Ichigo is shocked but he doesn't flinch or push her away, he just looks at her in his arms, ever so happy to see him like if he had just made her day.

"I'm glad you came Oni-chan."

She nuzzles in his chest but he hears her loud and clear, and his heart softens ever so slightly, enough to cause the smallest of smiles to grace his lips. A smile that may seem insignificant for anyone else but for the three Kurosaki's that had arrived prior to the last it was breath taking and an outstanding prize.

"Sorry I'm late…"

His voice is soft and hardly audible but they don't care, because Ichigo isn't using his monotone voice or his indifferent voice either, he's actually here with them so it's more than enough. They will wait until he can fully return to them, they will wait and try their best to fix their mistakes even if it takes the next life as well.

Isshin warms up at seeing his son with his vibrant orange hair back in place and more than anything feels relief when Ichigo's lips make a small upward motion, signifying a small smile. He feels happy when Ichigo responds to Yuzu's pleas in a voice that actually holds emotion and quickly makes a vow to himself.

'I will not screw this up. I will not let this chance go to the waste. I shall pay for my sin and fix this messed up situation… I'm supposed to be a father and that's what I'm going to be…'

That moment the four Kurosaki's all held determination. One was determined to try and unlock his emotions little by little, trying not to push out those that worried. The other three were determined to never let the orange head feel alone, they would not abandon him now that he was apparently trying to make an effort and not lock himself up.

They were going to make this work.

To be continued…

Hope you liked this new chapter, await the next update and I thank everyone that gives a second of their time to review, favorite or follow.

See you next chapter!


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